A few years back I interviewed the creator of the controversial website www.mydeathspace.com on my radio show. When I discovered the site I was a MySpace blogger and never knew anything like this was out there. MyDeathSpace.com is a database of people all over the country who have died AND have MySpace pages. The unique part of MyDeathSpace is that no one is exempt. There are celebrities as well as just everyday citizens profiled on their website. You could literally spend hours reading through the database. They even require documentation of death before any person is added to the database so there are no false claims.
My first trip to the site was unreal. I originally thought it was really morbid and somewhat insensitive. As I continued to read my opinions changed. There are so many people in my life that I truly only know online. I’m heading into my third year on internet radio and some of my most faithful supporters have been with me since the beginning and I’ve never laid eyes on them in “real life” but they are most definitely my friends and people I’ve come to genuinely love. Would I know if something ever happened to them?
The website also links to the deceased persons MySpace page and that became another eye opening experience for me. There were comments after comments from friends, family, and love ones leaving messages for the deceased like they could still read them. It was very eerie! Then I found one where the person had passed away two years earlier and went back to the day the person died and started to read the comments from the beginning. In reading those comments I saw the healing. I saw how the internet has given a gift to many people. It has provided a place to vent, a place to join others who miss their loved ones, and a place to honor and memorialize someone who was very special to you.
This has come to light now because I lost a friend a few months ago and he was on my Facebook page. He was a young kid and just starting out in the world with the brightest future. He was fiercely intelligent and was finally ready to take on the world of academics full time and even had the countdown of when he was leaving work to start school on his desk. He never made it out of that cubicle. He was struck and killed just a few days before. Tragic seems too light of a word when someone who is barely 22 years old passes away.
What does this have to do with Facebook? Well, Facebook now has suggestions of who to catch up with and leave messages for when you log in and it seems that he keeps popping up over there with “Send Ryan a message” or “Share the latest news!” At first it just seemed odd to keep him on my Facebook but it also seemed wrong to delete him. Was there some sort of protocol that I should follow? Would it be inappropriate to delete him?
Today, when I was settling in to write I hopped on Facebook and there he was again asking me to share the latest news. I went over to his page and I saw some incredible healing going on. His mother writing to him about how proud she was to call him her son and sharing the memories of being a young mother. His father sharing the latest news about what was going on in his life and upcoming memorials for him. It was really quite beautiful and I knew from the first word that I wasn’t going to delete his profile. It was truly his legacy and a meeting place for all of those people who loved him to mourn and support one another through the hardest times of their lives. I felt honored to be a part of it.
I have a whole new respect for the internet. I love how it can tell me who composed Flight of the Bumblebee, the ingredients for buttercream icing, the temperature of artic circle and can keep the ones we love with us and the lines of communication open even after death. Amazing!
Have you kept an online memorial, Facebook, or MySpace page open from a loved one? Do you still continue to write to him or her?
A little quirky, a little fun, a little serious, and very loud! I'm the voice behind the radio broadcast and writer behind this blog. I'm always on the lookout for something new, innovative, creative, fun, or just pisses me off... GAME ON! 
I recently had two great friends die suddenly this year, and they were young also. My trusted friend Alicia Stone had a myspace so i left her a comment upon learning of her passing. I honestly felt wierd doing it but in some sort of way also felt a sense of peace by doing so. My high school best friend of 21 years Damian Tingley passed away the day before Easter he didnt have a facebook or myspace and i was unable to attend his wake or funeral. My heart was broken reading his obituary in the Westerly Sun knowing i couldnt be there for him like we were in the past. Unable to communicate a goodbye, i love you or you will be greatly missed i noticed an on line guest book i know its not the same but i did write something to him there. Its hard to lose a loved one but i think its great if you leave parting words or even updates for them to read….. WHO KNOWS IF THEY HAVE INTERNET IN HEAVEN?
My Dad died suddenly 6 years ago. He lived next door and we talked daily. Having that stop was a huge a shock. He didn’t stop being my Dad but he wasn’t here anymore. There was no online place to “speak” to him but I started talking to him on my way to work every day. For 20 minutes I’d tell him what was going on or how much I missed him or how angry I was that he was gone. It was all part of my grieving. One thing that did help me was finding a message board for people who had lost loved ones. I had visit That Home Site on Garden Web for years to get decorating or remodeling advice but they also had other forums. One area is for family issues and that is where I found where others who were grieving came to post how the felt. They shared everything about what was going on in their grieving process. This helped me so much. I was able to talk to others who had suddenly lost their Dads. The ones who lost children were the most sad. I’ve always heard you never get over that and if this forum was an indicator that’s true. Mothers were posting here who had lost their children years prior. I stayed at the forum for a while but then as the grief subsided I left it. It had served it’s purpose in my healing. I’m glad I had that place on the internet to go.
sisrl
There are companies who specialize in closing online accounts for the deceased. Those would be ‘pay for use’ accounts like Skype or E-Cards and so on, in the case you have an automatic monthly payment.
I’m sure they would also close a social networking account as well, but would it be appropriate? And by whose permission? I suppose the user would have to give prior permission and or instructions.
I think this is a fascinating topic because I firmly believe they have the ‘interweb in Heaven’. Typing your message here is no different than speaking it in a prayer.
Having said that, I’m not sure I would want people to keep leaving me messages after I’ve passed on. I would, however, want those people to support each other in their grief in any way they felt suitable. If that means leaving me messages… so be it. Just don’t be too surprised if I respond.
Peace and Light