I’m an awards show snob. The only one I watch live is the Oscars but I can be convinced to watch the AFI Award Ceremony if I like the recipient. That being said,  I didn’t watch Adam Lambert’s performance live but there was no shortage of footage to check it out.

Twitter gave me the first indication that something was up because he became a trending topic instantly and the comments were electric and divided.Some in awe of his brazen performance and some aging dowagers fainting at his exploits. I watched the video and I still wasn’t moved to write a blog about it.

Then on Monday an email from someone I truly respect asking me to sign this petition: “The American Music Awards, Adam Lambert and American Indecency” utilizing Change.org’s new petition tool.

What?

It went on to read “Please take action on behalf of bringing decency to our public airwaves and hold corporate media responsible when it acts irresponsibly.”

Now, I was inspired to write a blog.

Where was the outcry for public decency when Madonna went in for a full fledged kiss with Britney Spears on another one of these award shows? How about most of Madonna’s videos and public award show performances? Then I remembered the true double standard for gays.

Lesbians - or acts of lesbianism – are hot. Well, as long as the women are hot. Gay males are not to be seen expressing love and affection on national television because it’s apparently “indecent.”

If Shakira put a big plant on Beyonce I’m positive I would not have had a invitation to sign a petition on behalf of Decent America. I did see Shakira grind all over a stage full of men and Jennifer Lopez shake her famous and married ass all over the place as well. But the Marriage Police weren’t there. The Straight Police weren’t there.

I would say that the Lesbian Police wouldn’t ever show up but if Rosie O’Donnell tried to kiss someone on television it would be a spectacle. See two paragraphs up for the “hot lesbian” explanation. The Gay Male Police are always there espousing the “hideousness” of their behavior.
For example, yesterday I Twittered this:

Adam Lambert kisses a man on national television and it’s a spectacle. Madonna and Britney kissed and it was just another Sunday!Ridiculous!

And one of the responses was this: The best Sunday EVER.

It’s time for this double standard to end. Adam Lambert kissing a man on television should be no more decent or indecent than a woman kissing a woman or a man kissing a woman. He is a man that loves men… get over it.

What equally surprises me is that the petition came from another member of the Black community. I know first hand as a person of color what it feels like to be judged solely on the color of my skin. I know what it feels like to be judged solely on being a woman. It almost hurts me when I see other minorities who have experienced this firsthand not extend a hand out to the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered communities because they are also being judged on who they love or who they identify with and not who they are.

I have faith that one day people will all be seen equally. That’s the promise of America… now let’s live up to it.

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In 2006, there were 4,265,555 births in the United States according to the National Center for Health Statistics. There are just over a million people in the entire state of Rhode Island so the United States populated my home state over four times that year.

There have been intense debate for years about mandating birth control for women on welfare since ultimately they are continuing to have children when they have proved that they cannot fully support, without government intervention, the child(ren) they currently have. But this blog isn’t about that. Considering that nearly 750,000 teens become pregnant every year suggests that we should look at the reproductive capabilities of teenagers.

Teenagers having children puts a strain on their parents as well as the government. Many teens wouldn’t have the capability of raising their children without the help of either or both.
SHOULD WE INPUT MANDATORY BIRTH CONTROL FOR TEENS?
SHOULD PARENTS HAVE THE OPTION TO REQUIRE THEIR TEENS TO BE ON BIRTH CONTROL?

If the government were to mandate birth control for teens between the ages of 12-17 what kind of effect would that have on the welfare system, the family unit and the economy?

If parents have the ability to mandate birth control for their teens would it be considered a violation of the reproductive rights of the teens? Should teens have reproductive rights?

We will be discussing this on Monday, November 30th @ 10pm ET on the show: Regina’s Universe: Live & Uncensored

What do you think?

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I’ve heard of skipping class to go to breakfast or skipping school to start vacation early. I have never heard of skipping school the way a Rhode Island kid skipped school on November 19, 2009.

He skipped to rob a bank.
It’s pretty bold when an adult tries to rob a bank but it’s especially bold when a 17 year old says to a teller “everyone will be shot” and makes off with cash when he should be figuring out geometry problems.

He was caught a couple of hours later from surveillance photos and he left forensic evidence on the note and was recognized by a school resource officer. So he:

1. Didn’t wear a mask
2. Stayed in his neighborhood
3. Left evidence

Has he not seen even one episode of CSI? Next time he should just drop his ID or call the cops and tell them to meet him at his house.

The world is full of morons committing crimes. What’s your favorite dumb criminal story?

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Can you imagine going to work, sitting at your desk and taking calls like this Monday would be like any other Monday and then getting an email that stops you cold?

That’s what happened yesterday when friends of mine were at work at a call center and they found out – via email – that one of their co-workers had passed away unexpectedly over the weekend. Some of them were doing their regular battle of multitasking between phone calls and emails when they discovered in mid-conversation that one of their peers had died. It was reported to me that the gasps were audible.

The woman that passed away was a bit older than most of the office and she was a quiet sort. A far cry from the youthful exuberance that can generally be found in call centers. She may not have been the most outspoken or even the most popular but she was definitely a friend to everyone. Just by the sheer amount of time the average person spends at work annually, every person with whom you work becomes a part of the fabric of your life.

Those shocked peers that contacted me yesterday by phone, email, and social networking were so surprised at the way they were notified that they were literally in a state of shock. Nary a month earlier a manager had to be let go because he had some issues with his work visa and they pulled the team together and informed them that he couldn’t return. Now this woman who worked faithfully in that office for over 2 years passes away and they send an email. Not even advance notification for her team or even those who sat in closest proximity to her. Those people who talked to me were all wondering if they would have notified people differently if she were a manager or more outspoken and popular.

In 2007, I was working for a division that had a co-worker commit suicide. As soon as his manager was notified he called in grief counselors and had managers stationed in their area ushering his peers into a separate meeting room where they were notified of his passing, allowed to grieve, express their emotions in private, and speak to someone if they needed.

How do you think a manager should handle the passing of a co-worker? Is an email enough to justify the passing of life?

Thank you, Mary, you were a wonderful woman!

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A few months ago I was researching for something at work and I came across an article that gave me a true to life Oprah “A ha” moment. It was an article about how disorganization can be borne from perfectionism.

At first I thought somebody lost their mind because there is no way that “perfection” and “disorganization” could possibly be related. I must say that I was interested and even though it sounded crazy I read on. Not only did I read on; but with every word I kept seeing more and more of myself in what was written.

The article was about how perfectionists can have messy desks because their desire to have it perfect would lead to thoughts like this:

I don’t have time to clean it, dust it and organize it now so I will do it later. (Later comes much later.)

I couldn’t believe it. I really think like that. I always said that I was an all or nothing kind of person. If I can’t do it the way it needs to be done I would just as soon not do it at all. It’s either absolutely perfect or a hot damn mess.

A ha!

My lack of starting something if I can’t do it perfectly is definitely something but I think it’s harder for me if I start something and it doesn’t go perfectly. My brother is a personal trainer. I’ve had a personal issue with my weight most of my life. He had me enroll in his Weight Loss Challenge and I thought it would be a good thing since I needed to inspiration to get back out there in really start running again.

Well I went and the first week I lost 5 pounds. W00t! It wasn’t even that hard. Great. The next week I stayed even. I was surprised. How did the week before go so smoothly and I lost more weight than when I really tried? The next week I gained a pound. In my head I know that I should just continue and rebound and take it. I can see that much like my messy desk, if I can’t kick ass at it all the time… my interest and desire wane.

What does this have to do with the lasagna? Today I read another article about perfection and when a person always has high expectations that when they don’t reach those lofty goals (like 5lb weight losses) they tend to fail more often. In the article it said that sometimes we have to give ourselves a break and not set such high goals and learn to enjoy the smaller milestones along the way.

Still wondering about the lasagna? I made a lasagna for the first time in my life today. I’m not much of a cook but I felt inspired by Jeff’s amazing sauce that I could handle it. It’s just like putting a puzzle together I told myself.

Since I rarely cook, I felt some pressure to make sure that this was the BEST LASAGNA ever on Earth! I put the noodles down, the meat, the provolone, the sauce, the mozzarella, the noodles, the meat, the provolone, the DAMN! I forgot the ricotta on the first layer. Seriously, the first thought in my head was to THROW IT OUT. I wanted to take it and trash it and start again. It’s not practical to toss a lasagna because of one layer of missing ricotta.

Ah ha!

My lasagna is not going to be any less perfect because the ricotta is missing on that layer. It doesn’t have to be the best lasagna ever on Earth. I will be the best lasagna I’ve ever made, by virtue of the fact that I’ve never made one before.

Today, I’m not only celebrating the birth of my first lasagna but also the birth of a new method of thinking where I can take some of the pressure off of myself and revel in the glory of the baby steps to reaching my goals. I will return to the weight loss challenge even if I didn’t have a perfect week or a perfect month.

The only thing I will mourn are the two pieces of lasagna noodles that slipped down the side of the stove. A moment of silence, please.

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Sometimes a tweet just isn’t enough. I sent a tweet out on my best friend Twitter this afternoon that said this:

Wondering when Halloween went from scary costumes to looking like your pimping out your 9 year old? Kid sizes are just as whorey as adults!

I tried to leave it at that and sometimes I just can’t do it. This is one of those times. I was online today looking at Halloween costume ideas and came across this website www.purecostumes.com. On the very first page I saw these costumes listed as “Tween” sized. A “tween” for those not in the know, are kids between the ages of 11-13 and are considered barely teenagers.

As the mother of a nearly 15 year old girl I can tell you that these costumes left me slack-jawed and completely appalled. What is going on in the world today if you can make your daughter look like Vegas prostitute for the low, low price of $29.95? Someone – and I’m assuming an adult – is purchasing these items for these girls and it sickens me.

Halloween is now taking the phrase TRICK or TREAT to a whole new meaning. These girls are seriously looking like “treats” used to entice “tricks.” It’s a sorry state of affairs when you send your kid out on Halloween and she looks like she’s going to work… and not at Denny’s people… the oldest profession kind of work and it is not adorable.

These days kids are doing everything earlier. From needing bras and wearing makeup to having boyfriends and experimenting with sex everything just seems so much earlier. In no time they will have jobs, bills, families, and debt. Let’s keep them kids for as long as we can.

I say we 86 the hooker costumes and go back to when Halloween costumes were more scary and less slutty.

photos: purecostumes.com

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Yesterday, Jeff and I celebrated our anniversary. It seemed impossible to believe that it was only a year ago that we decided to begin exclusively dating and taking our relationship to the next level.

Last year, it was a gorgeous October day and with the Columbus weekend in full swing Jeff asked me to attend the Scituate Art Festival. I love art and I equally love festivals; but I was a bit leery on going to the festival. Jeff grew up in Scituate and I let him know that I would be uncomfortable seeing everyone he knows and his family at that point. It just seemed too soon.

Jeff assured me that even though Scituate is a small town that the festival is huge and that his family – even if they did decide to attend – we wouldn’t run into them.

“Seriously Regina, my Mother would go but my Dad’s had some health problems recently so they won’t go. Even when my Dad wasn’t having health issues he’s gone to the festival once in his entire life. I doubt my brother would show up and my sister  is most likely working at the church with her family. Honestly, she may step away from the church and we MIGHT see her. So,  if there’s ANYONE that you MIGHT see from my family would be my sister. Let’s go, you’ll love it.”

We decide to go and sure enough the Art Festival is huge! Entire streets are closed to traffic and there are people everywhere. We are walking around and taking in the sites. Jeff’s daughter, Samantha, is with us and we are there 5 minutes when I hear Samantha say:

“Grandma!”

I swear I thought I turned white and that my heart hit the pavement and bounced into my throat. Sure enough there is Jeff’s Mom and his Dad too. I shoot Jeff a look of you set me up. He returns with a look of shock and horror.  Jeff begins the introductions of his “friend” (me) to his family when more people come up to us. Hello Mom, Dad, Brother, Sister in Law, Nieces, Nephews… I was waiting to be introduced to an effen cousin twice removed!

It seemed like every immediate member of Jeff’s family was in attendance at the Art Festival that day. After shaking hands until I thought that I would turn blue we finally got to walk on our own through the festival. Before I could utter a word Jeff starts to talk.

“Baby, I swear to you I had no idea that they would be here. My father’s lived in Scitutate his entire life and has only been here one time. My brother’s usually working… I didn’t mean this.”

“You ambushed me with your parents,” I replied.

“No, I really didn’t!”

I just look at him with a look that can only express that I doubted every single word.

“I swear,” he says.

After that little debacle we walked around the Art Festival and I could only imagine what thoughts were going through his head and his mom’s as well. Turns out they had decided spur of the moment to go to the festival that day. We laugh about it now since it took about 3 months and 2 conversations with his mother for me to believe that he really didn’t set me up. This year has been a terrific opportunity to get to know Jeff’s family and since the ambush they’ve all been wonderful!

It was only fitting that this year we planned to meet his Mom and Dad at the Art Festival and we brought the children too and had a great time.

Happy Anniversary, Jeff! Thank you for 365 days of adventure, kindness, caring, support, and especially love.
Photo Credit: Peony Moore! Well, self-taken with Peony’s camera!

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“Face to Face and Leave Some Space” is the controversial new rule that was started by Chariho Regional High School administrators that begins with Saturday’s Homecoming Dance. What it really means is: no grinding on the dance floor and it’s caused quite a stir among the students.

What is grinding? It’s when one person is dancing and another person is dancing with them from behind. The dance isn’t limited to just two people as there have been “grind lines” in the past where a group of people dance in this manner. It can almost be described as a conga line meets the lambada.

How did the rule get started? Although many versions exist of how the rule came into play there’s one version that seems to be the most popular among the teens asked about for this story. Allegedly, there was a boy who attended the schools Welcome Back Dance and reported to his parents that he was disgusted with the amount of grinding going on during the dance. His parents went to the school and the new rule was born and goes into effect just in time for Saturday’s Homecoming Dance at the Wood River Junction school.

The students aren’t taking the news too well and many students, in light of the new rule are planning to boycott the dance this weekend and instead are throwing private parties. One teen even called grinding a part of their “culture” and that she opposes the rule. Another student is boycotting the dance but is in support of the rule. When asked why she would boycott the dance if she’s in support of it she said, “None of my friends will be there.”

Does the school have a right to ban certain types of moves from the dance floor? Should students be able to express themselves in that manner? Is it inappropriate for students to grind?

What do you think of Face to Face and Leave Some Space?

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My daughter and her best friend are quite a pair. Dae and Franny are two of the funniest and brightest teenage girls I know and they are never short of zany situations.

Last year for Darienne’s birthday Jeff and I took both Darienne and Franny to Dae’s favorite Chinese food restaurant. They were taking pictures of themselves throughout the time we were together as Facebooking teens are prone to do.

After we ate and were back in the car Darienne took a picture of them while they were in the back seat. Jeff said, “Ladies, please don’t use the flash in the car it reflects off the rear view and blinds me.”

The following day they went to see Panic! At The Disco with my mother. When they jumped the car and started on the highway Darienne asks:

“Grandma, can we flash in the car?”

My mother wasn’t thinking flashbulbs and nearly crashed the car.

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My daughter has been flying alone since 2000, when we decided that the lengthy drives from Rhode Island to Tennessee and Virginia to visit her father and grandparents could easily be eclipsed by a Southwest plane ticket for a couple of hundred bucks. She was six years old for her first “unaccompanied minor” flight and she’s never looked back.

Southwest is really good to the minors. They get to board the plane first and they have a flight attendant nearby at all times. Picking up a minor from the airport is also like getting the gate codes to Fort Knox. I felt very secure in the way the handled that first flight. We knew that this would be our mode of travel after that.

September 11, 2001, forever changed us all. We were introduced to a whole new level of fear that none of us ever expected. That fear initially bonded us together. Anyone around that day has a story and we mutally shared those stories and became closer together as people and as a nation. But,that fear also bred a lot of changes in the way that we think and the way that we look at all people.

In July 2003, although nearly two years had passed the horrors of 9/11 were still fresh but we tried to get our acts together and resume a life again. It was time to bring my daughter to the airport. I had heart palpatations the entire way. Even with all the safety precautions that were all over the news I still worried.

When we got to the airport there was another little girl there who was getting ready to fly and she was really scared. It would be her first trip alone and my daughter noticed her minor tag and said, “You can sit with me. It’s going to be fine, I’ve been doing this for years.” The girl’s face lit up and they began to talk. I looked in her mother’s eyes. She was trying to be strong for her daughter but I saw the fear and we both knew what true fears existed.

All went as planned. They let the girls board first but the parents have to stay in the airport until 15 minutes after the plane takes off just in case they have to turn the plane around. The little girl’s mom and I just sit and wait. The last group of people boarded the plane but there was still 10 minutes before the flight would take off. Then we both saw something that made our hearts hit the floor.

A man, woman, and three children were running down the corridor waving their tickets. They were out of breath and obviously very late for their flight. The man was wearing a turban and everyone was in Middle Eastern traditional dress. They were running right for our flight.

I looked at the little girl’s mom and we both had the same look of fear. My first thought was to run into the plane and snatch my daughter off! I wanted to call someone, do something, anything! Then as quickly as it came the reality of the situation smacked me in the face. There was a family of people running late for a plane. Just as I would have run if I had problems parking or traffic but because of they way they looked I made an unqualified judgement.

It brought me back to the times that I’d been followed around the mall by a store detective when I made more money than everyone that works there. The time when I went to get a money order in a business suit and the teller informing me that I could get it for free if I produced my welfare card. I was no better than those people who looked at me as a woman of color and made a decision without any facts only appearance.

I’d like to have a moment of silence for everyone affected by this horrible national tragedy. Those who lost their lives and those whose lives have been forever changed… on all levels.

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