Okay, before the Jesus people start going crazy… The blog title is really What Would JENNIFER Do… and then do the opposite.

Jennifer Aniston has been involved in some crazy ass relationships lately. I even found a celebrity blog that recounts every celebrity’s dating status and hers is seriously embarrassing. She’s been linked to 12 celebrity relationships with an average of 1.3 years each. Ugh, that’s worse than MY dating record.

I wonder if celebrities have discerning tastes when it comes to men… or maybe Jennifer just has no discerning tastes when it comes to members of the opposite sex.  Is it possible that she’s gorgeous, thin, and rich and has had more issues keeping a man than anyone that I know? She can get a man… as many rich, blond, women can… but she can’t KEEP a man.

WHY?

I don’t know much about Jennifer but I do know that whatever she’s thinking; I would strongly suggest to do the opposite because she seems to have no clue about relationships at all. After the crazy relationships that I’ve been involved in I learned a very valuable lesson: the big deal in relationships is trying to find out what will sustain you. What will get you through those lost and lonely nights? What will take you to your old age? What will make sense when nothing else seems to?

Stop chasing what you think you want and working toward what you need.

What will sustain you in a relationship? Sex? Conversation? Companionship?

I will never look as good as Jennifer but I know for a fact that she will never have a better relationship than me. At least, until she stops looking for what she think she wants and starts focusing on what will sustain her.

What will sustain you? I know what will sustain me… do you?

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I was at a convenience store and in the menagerie of crap that always crowds the register there was a big bucket of incense sticks in different flavors. I’m not a big fan of incense but I had some time to kill while Mr. Seven Eleven was ringing out my stuff to take a look at the flavor selection.  When I see the name of a scent the smell of it instantly comes to mind. I see Blueberry and I can almost smell blueberries. They had vanilla, blackberry, strawberry and many other scents and I could recall those smells with ease. Then there was one that the smell didn’t immediately come to me and what did was not something I thought would add to the ambiance of my home.

SEX. They had sex scented incense. Um, what the hell does that smell like, exactly? Do I want that wafting through my house when my parents are coming over or when the children are home? Who the hell would buy a sex scented incense stick? We figured it was one lonely guy who wanted a little masturbation with “smellivision.” I noticed that each stick conveniently burns for about an hour and that’s about 5 times as long as it takes anyone to masturbate so that could be a weeks worth of self loving enhanced by flavored incense.  It’s also not made from “cheap alcohol and proudly made in the USA… most likely from creepy dude’s basement. Nothing will surprise me ever again.

But I spoke too soon. Hours later in a completely different town we were walking through a little flea market and one of the vendors had tons of incense. I didn’t think it was possible but there it was again. More sex scented incense! So apparently there’s some people out there that would love the smell of sex gently wafting through their home while they watch a movie, cook dinner, or entertain guests.

I had to get in there and take a good whiff. I wanted the essence of sex to fill my nostrils, I needed to smell what so amazing about the smell of sex that people would want to burn it in their homes one hour at a time. Wonder what it smells like? Trust me, nothing you’ve smelled or experienced… unless sex for you smells like mothballs and Bazooka bubble gum for $1 a stick. Gross.

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